Exploration, Revelation, And Acceptance
In my previous work I referenced how uncomfortable I have felt in the world, how I self-censor out of fear that my internal dialogue will become my actual dialogue and “I” will be revealed. The intense scrutiny of “Self” during my text based exploration opened my eyes to how that censorship affected all aspects of my life. I’d grown up believing that I, like my work, must be finished, behind class, ready to hang, and any part of me that wasn’t was wrong. As a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a student, and an artist I had to seem perfectly composed and I could never be wholly successful. However, I came to realize that there was something other than “crazy” I was suppressing, some of the things I’ve been holding back are beautiful in their uniqueness.
My paintings have always been a representation of me. And, although beautiful, were inauthentic, lacking an acceptance of myself. For my thesis project I’m revealing what I’ve hid. Unashamedly exposing the whole of me through an intimate look into my process and the layers of my work. Nothing is hidden, nothing left out. And the paintings themselves are an exploration, revelation, and acceptance of my flaws and beauties. Each painting is being constructed through specific limitations representative of life; trials of time, interaction with others, limitations of space, and restricted resources. After each layer, I’ve covered something interesting, a piece of me that I want to keep, and then continued painting. In the end I’m removing the covers to reveal what would normally have been obliterated by my personal drive to appear perfect. I’m no longer deluded in the idea that A) I’ve ever been successful in seeming perfect, B) that what I’ve been hiding is something bad, and C) that “I” must be “gallery ready” to have value.